I've been through the process with the Lord over and over again, the process of the "your will, my will" thing and though I have had to let some dreams go He has returned a portion to me in which, I believe He will cultivate further in His timing. But this morning I woke up completely frustrated. I was really hopeful about something that I had done the night before to further step out into this calling and it didn't really pan out the way that I thought. In fact, I feel like I have been stepping out of my comfort zone a lot lately and yet I am still seeing no return.
Gosh, I was so upset that when I put down my littlest for her nap I went into the other room to just cry. And then I started asking God these things:
If you have called me to this then why am I not seeing the fruits of it?
If you have called me to this then why is it so incredibly hard?
If you have called me to this then why do I still feel so alone in it?
If you have called me to this then why do I feel so ill equipped?
If you have called me to this then why. am. I. still. waiting?
God, I am believing you! I have the faith in you! I am trusting you! I am doing hard things for you!
And then He paused me and gently drew me out of my wallowing. His voice in that moment, was as clear as anything and He said to me, "Gabbie, I know the plans that I have for you and I fully intend to bring them to fruition but there is something in your heart that is not in line with your calling and we have to work through that first so that you can be prepared for what is about to come."
I instantly knew exactly what it was and realized that I had been holding on to something that I thought I could hide from Him. This lead me to Psalms 139:23-24 where it says this:
"Search me God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way."
It really got me thinking that in our callings God multiplies our efforts but it the midst of it all He also expects much of our hearts. Think of it this way: If you have said yes to something that the Lord has called you to do and you are still waiting, where is your heart in it? Are you actively preparing your heart or are you just putting the work in by merely going through the motions?
I really believe that in order to fulfill God's calling on our lives we have to be willing to put in not just the physical work but the heart work as well. We need to be willing to grow spiritually through the process of waiting.
and here's the thing, He is in the waiting.
He is right there refining you, preparing you to walk into the fullness of His plan for you. I think the reason we can feel so alone in the waiting process is because we simply forget to communicate with God. As if we kind of just expect Him to hand over whatever is on our hearts without even being fully present in the process.
So instead of feeling alone or defeated in the waiting let's just remember that the Lord is right beside us conditioning our spirits and that we are called to participate in that conditioning.
Whether you are waiting on healing in your marriage, a promotion, a new job, or some other dream and it's not coming, sit with the Lord daily and ask Him to search your heart for the parts that are holding you back and in partnership with Him you will see each hindering layer begin to slowly peel back to reveal a ready heart. After all the waiting process is the lead up, once you enter into the next season there will still be a whole lot more work left to be done.
I also think that it's worth noting, especially in our day and age, that it is our tendency to give up when we don't see results right at the beginning (what's that saying I am looking for..oh yeah! instant gratification, we love that phrase don't we?). But when the Lord has asked us to do something for the better of His kingdom, we don't really have this option. Sometimes the journey is long and hard but you keep on showing up, you keep on believing, you keep on seeking growth and refinement and watch Him multiply your efforts in every bit of it.
He's in the waiting, meet Him in the waiting.
Beautiful post, and spot on! I had a pretty major change in my life about a year ago that I had prayed about and I knew that the Lord wanted me to do it, but oh my goodness, it was SO incredibly hard! And payback? Fruits? What fruits?! I was not seeing them right away either, and it was frustrating. For the first time, I struggled with "Really, Lord? You called me to do this, I prayed and asked you to show me what you would have me to do and I get THIS?! What kind of a joke is this? Haha... not funny...." Which, was the totally wrong attitude, of course. You see, my plan and HIS plan were not the same. HIS plan was better, of course, but yes, I did find him in the waiting and I did make peace with what I had been called to do. It has been full of challenges and very much of a growing experience and I am a better person for it.
ReplyDeleteYes! That's so amazing, thanks for sharing! I know I get so impatient with the Lord sometimes and the waiting process is often not what we would have chosen for ourselves but He knows so much better than we do! It has to be an active process of faith as we wait on His will. He will always fulfill His plans and promises!
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