Turn Down the Music and Talk to Your Spouse

The other day my family and I were traveling to Portland, OR, which is about a three hour drive from where we live.  Bryan had asked me to drive because we didn't start heading out of town until after he got off of work and he thought he would be too tired.  Now, if you know me, I hate driving.  Any chance I get I always ask someone to drive for me.  I'm just not good at it and honestly, chances are if you are in the car with me you would want to be the one driving too haha!

I will admit though I was actually pretty excited that he had asked me to drive, for two reasons.  One: because it was a good excuse for me to order a flavored Red Bull (my guilty pleasure) on the way out of town and two: because I was going to get to listen to the newest Jonas Brothers album, which would never happen in a million years if my husband were driving.  Deep down, I am still a fourteen year old girl at heart and I have absolutely zero shame about it.

All that to say, we were finally entering into Portland when it occurred to me:  I didn't get to listen to ANY of my beloved Jonas Brothers.  The volume never reached above a whisper while Bryan and I talked the entire three hour drive.

It got me to thinking about oneness.

In the midst of the hyper individualistic culture we have created here in the West, its easy to lose sight of God's perfect design for marriage revealed to us in Genesis 2:  to become one.  It's this beautiful design of two people coming together and becoming something more.  Most of of the time our brains go straight to intercourse when picturing oneness and rightfully so, thats obviously part of it.  But ultimately, oneness goes beyond the bond of physical intimacy.

What if becoming one meant searching your spouse beyond flesh and bone?  To push inward toward the spirit.  What if it meant to say:  "let me see every part of you so that I can share in each part of you too."

Sometimes I think that maybe we stop searching our spouse in fear of losing our self identity.  We coil inward as we protect the vision of our own dreams and desires for our life, we choose to cultivate them outside of oneness.

It has become all too easy to sit on opposite sides of the car for three hours without ever speaking, or to fall asleep at night with our backs to each other.  Our culture says that we can do things on our own, even inside the context of a marriage.  But what is soil without hydration?  I think back on a time when this was the reality of my marriage, two people with rings on their fingers but living as roommates.  It's now in hindsight that I truly understand the blessing of mere conversation and what it leads to.  I love when laughter splits the pit of our bellies, I love that we can meet each others needs through encouragement, I love that we still flirt with each other, I love that even after seven years of marriage we are still seeking each other as we seek to build a God honoring life together.

Dreams, desires, visions, they all align through words, when we open our mouths and speak.  You may find that your spouse already shares the same desires or maybe you find that they don't and you will find the peace to let certain things go.

Let me get to the heart of it.  When you get married it becomes the ultimate form of collaboration in the life of you and your spouse.  To fuse together both body and spirit in order to live on mission in this world.  Its one of the many ways God has chosen to set the light on the hillside for the widening of His coming Kingdom.  It's not about losing yourself but about gaining something greater.

When we seek oneness, we build a mission unique to our marriage and our family.  

But we can't seek if we aren't talking. 

So, to all of my beautiful married friends:  I challenge you to turn down the music and start talking to your spouse.  Dig deep, get inward.  I truly believe that you will find alignment as their heart becomes your own and vice versa.  That you will find peace as you settle into a place where you know your marriage belongs, which, simply put, is oneness. 

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